Men are....

I dedicate this to my baby girl Aubry who got the wet-fish-slap-the-face treatment from a boy.

There are some advantages from being as old as I am and having traveled through the incomprehensible man maze on many levels and on many terms.

Here is a set in self-preservation principles to live by:

(and now don't go whining to me about how your man is not like this - I am generalizing here)

1. All men are selfish. Its all about them, how they feel and how you impact their lives. They operate on primal urges - like grunt - feed me meat - erp. If you just accept his caveman mode you will get along with him waaaay better.

2. All men are afraid of women but they pretend to act all tough. You have much more power than you can imagine. You can get your way by being nice and non-threatening because underneath all their bravado is a small tender boy who wants someone to take care of him.

But they won't let you see that side, so don't even think you are going to invoke your "I'll take care of you" skills. He will bolt (I know it doesn't make sense)

3. Men always want what they can't have. Use all your woman powers to show restraint. Don't call them, be slightly cool, play the stinkin game if you want to win their attention.

4. Even though you know you are the more evolved and reasonable gender, don't try to change a man - he will resist even though its not rationale. If you feel as though you need to change him, trade him in for a sportier model you can live with. Swallow your bile and move on.

5. Contrary to any young girl's dreams, men don't make you happy and they don't assume the responsibility to make you happy (SEE #1). They are independent and make their own happiness and expect that of you too. if you believe this equation:

being in a relationship = eternal bliss and happiness

you will be miserable and feel disillusioned sooner or later. Find happiness deep in your own gut independent of any man.

6. Church men - just say "Yessir, whatever you say" Just go with it, it always pays off to take this position down the line.

Just trying to help out here.... Do you have any more survival tips to add?


Donna said...

Preach on sister!

aubry. said...

fetal position. haven't eaten since saturday morning. body aching. out of body experience. feel like i'm floating in another dimension.

but no tears, oddly enough.

Corrina Baker said...

For petes sake, just cry aubry!

aubry. said...

done. done, done, and done. like never before. at my desk. me n' one empty box of kleenex later... i'm dehydrated.

blamed it all on the salsa at lunch.