Not Again

I just got the call yesterday and so lookit - I did what every self respecting female would do. I pulled over and cried. I called my mother and I called my husband, I called my only girl baby and I hid it from my work. Natch.

I still have cancer. They didn't get it all out. My next surgery is March 18th. In the meantime, my message to all of my two readers out there...... do this:

In the meantime, XOXOXOXO - BIG HUGS TO YOU ALL -
WOW I'm sad

THAT WAS BAD

Okay at this point I am ready (so ready) to strip away the cavalier attitude and admit that all my stuffins (literally I do have a balance and a bra size identity problem) have been knocked out of me. How bad could a stinking 5 inch incision in your right breast be? (and a big stinking slice out of your armpit too) I thought to myself prior to the surgery.

What did Braveheart do when he got stabbed in the gut by a filthy blade? The pioneers survived worse right?

Regardless I am sending a big huge shout out to all my breast cancer survivor sisters who have gone through it before me - cuz it's really bad.

Whats with the photo you ask? This represents all the many women in my world who have called and sent treats my way (ending up in the family's happy gullet - not my own) and all the true friends who are rooting for me.

As for now, I am totally gassed simply posting this message

Back to bed for more reruns of CSI Las Vegas, Forensic Files, Law and Orders and more. oh, along that same line....

last night when I was too weak and powerless to change the channel I watch an hour of Judge Judy. This episode ROCKED and brought complete balance and perspective to my life as bad as it is at this very moment.

(it hurts to laugh)

after one court proceeding when a young woman (trailer trash bimbo) lost her case she was asked... what did you learn from today's court proceedings. Her reply:

I learned that my beauty will fade but my dumbness will stay forever!!!!

She actually said that on syndicated TV t0 40 million viewers.

(I wonder how many people that watch Judge Judy caught it)

I take Breast Cancer hands down. Ha Ha Ha

What to do when you are bored or desperate

Not like there is enough drama in our house right now my daugher in law Lucy...

(Jeff's wife and mother of my two granchildren - Seanny Bo Baaahny age 2 and Monkey boy Jebed - age 4 - love names remember?)

went in for a mammogram because unlike me, she actually found a lump and it has been growing for at least 6 months. So imagine it, two women under the same roof with breast cancer. The definition of terrible right? Fortunately she is okay. whew!

But this artwork is courtesy the waiting room activity that served to entertain Seanny. I loved it. Sweet and funny. (perfect positioning - the belly button is the nose)

Take human creativity and turn it weird and here is what you get. I hope you can read it, its hilarious.



I know its random but it's one hour till I go in for surgery and it still hasn't sunk in yet. Check in with you later post -op.

T minus 21 hours - Its surreal

In less than 21 hours I will start down the Breast Cancer rabbit hole. Here is how it started:



You might wonder - what the heck am I looking at? My thoughts exactly when the surgeon showed me. They are called Breast Calcifications. These are normal throughout the body

{huh, a little trivia I bet you didn't know}

Anyway, what does the calcifications have to do with Breast Cancer? Its an indicator or malignancy. So random calcifications - not malignant. Tightly clustered calcifications - malignant. A cluster like the Milky Way (oh that's a funny - no pun intended) is something to be concerned about. This how my mammogram looked --the Orion Galaxy.

So I show up to the hospital at 11 - fasting and hungry. They inject blue dye into my breast that will travel up to my lymph nodes. One hour later I will be on the table of mutilation where they will take out a lump twice the size of a golf ball. That's a lotta personal real estate I tell ya.

They will send this and a biopsy of my lymph nodes to pathology. Here is where I will find out whether I have to undergo chemo or not - depending on spreadage of the cancer cells.

Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, stop for about 2 seconds and offer a silent prayer for me 11 A.M. Pacific Time Feb 18 - day one of my personal war on breast cancer.

Thank you my cyber friends for all your kind thoughts -when you need me I will be there to send you all the loving mind rays your way too. rb

Fine art of being a girl

So believe me dear reader - it has taken me over 50 years to come to some conclusions about this "girl" situation we find ourselves in.

Basically it's this: We are almost always right and before we open our mouths to state our positions on everything, we weigh all the options and issues and make a very educated and thoughtful declaration based on fact and past experience - Am I right???

So when you are having a "discussion" with a man (usually here is where you have the prob) you are almost always right - cuz you wouldn't dream of taking any kind of position without multiple assurances that you are indeed right.

Hmmm though. Its a moral dilemma.

Take the incident referred to in my only girl baby's blog today about her penchant for broken bones.

Let me paint a picture for you.... My little girl is screaming in the back seat because she has a compound fracture and my husband is racing toward a veterinary office because he is unaware of the fact that it hasn't been an urgent care center for over three years.

I on the other hand being totally aware of my surroundings took note of the fact that the urgent care has been closed. I am frantically "discussing" this fact with Scottsy the Nazi -- pleading him to take us to the nearest hospital instead of wasting time going to and fro to the now defunct urgent care office. A closed vets office does us no good and times a wastin and the girl is screaming and wailing and gnashing her teeth.

(And yes, even crying her guts out!!!!!)

Do we do this? No of course, we go to the vets office (grrrr)

I could go on and on - as a woman, our lives are littered with these vignettes of unrequited "rightness"

So the dilemma is, how important is it to be right vs. how important is it to to rally for your "rightness"?

The process of rallying for my rightness has been an expensive proposition emotionally. Most of the time even though I am right, the process of proving I am right has caused friction in my most important relationships - with my kids (don't take drugs, that girl is a tramp, etc.) my husband (see above and then expand your imagination to include nearly every scenario known to mankind) and most importantly with a multitude of church men.

{That's the very hardest - when you are absolutely positively right and you are told - nope do it my way - and do it with no sass back sister- gulp, choke, barf}

My advice to you all.... take your rightness with a grain of salt and if it causes conflict (cept when you are mothering) stand back and let it go.

I find that my rightness eventually becomes obvious and it is so validating when others come to the conclusion you were right all along and they did it on their own.

As usual, I am totally right about this.....ha ha ha

Men are....

I dedicate this to my baby girl Aubry who got the wet-fish-slap-the-face treatment from a boy.

There are some advantages from being as old as I am and having traveled through the incomprehensible man maze on many levels and on many terms.

Here is a set in self-preservation principles to live by:

(and now don't go whining to me about how your man is not like this - I am generalizing here)

1. All men are selfish. Its all about them, how they feel and how you impact their lives. They operate on primal urges - like grunt - feed me meat - erp. If you just accept his caveman mode you will get along with him waaaay better.


2. All men are afraid of women but they pretend to act all tough. You have much more power than you can imagine. You can get your way by being nice and non-threatening because underneath all their bravado is a small tender boy who wants someone to take care of him.

But they won't let you see that side, so don't even think you are going to invoke your "I'll take care of you" skills. He will bolt (I know it doesn't make sense)

3. Men always want what they can't have. Use all your woman powers to show restraint. Don't call them, be slightly cool, play the stinkin game if you want to win their attention.

4. Even though you know you are the more evolved and reasonable gender, don't try to change a man - he will resist even though its not rationale. If you feel as though you need to change him, trade him in for a sportier model you can live with. Swallow your bile and move on.

5. Contrary to any young girl's dreams, men don't make you happy and they don't assume the responsibility to make you happy (SEE #1). They are independent and make their own happiness and expect that of you too. if you believe this equation:

being in a relationship = eternal bliss and happiness

you will be miserable and feel disillusioned sooner or later. Find happiness deep in your own gut independent of any man.

6. Church men - just say "Yessir, whatever you say" Just go with it, it always pays off to take this position down the line.

Just trying to help out here.... Do you have any more survival tips to add?

Shhhh - big fat secret

Let me preface this with an explanation to all you three of you - my gentle readers. Bear in mind that for family home evenings we all sat around and watched Sumo wrestling for Sunday evening recreation.

Scott soon graduated us to the Ultimate Fighting Championship in all its wild and wooley glory. Unregulated, vicious groin pummeling and the plain ole dirtiest fighting without rules at that time. So immersion into total barbarity is no stranger to the Bennion household.

So when my friend Chadwick (CB) Blum at work (we worked together at my present place of employment - he got the boot tho) suggested we go into business, it wasn't entirely out of the realm of impossibility my being the daring entrepreneurial sort at heart.

I don't know how better to say it than to simply blurt it out. I am a mixed martial arts sports promoter licensed by the State of CA Athletic Commission. There are two of us women sports promoters in the entire state.

Is it incongruous for someone to be the stake relief society president and a MMA sports promoter - YES, oh YES. I can hardly reconcile it. But if you must know, Scott is behind it all the way. He's looking at me like I'm Dana White and he will soon be driving a Ferrari.

I must say, I am not only a sports promoter, but I have struck deals with TV and have produced a TV show that will air on several CW stations. The company is the International Alliance of Mixed Martial Arts and it is being picked up in Las Vegas, San Francisco, Salt Lake, Phoenix and San Diego. More markets to follow.

Go to my website for amazement sake - www.ia-mma.com

here is my logo

This is a photo of the ring girls - these girls were a disgusting aspect of the show. barf!

This is a photo of a very famous fighter and my not so famous fighter, KJ Noons and Bailey Byrnes. He was a sweet kid, Bailey was, before he got beaten to a bloody pulp by his opponent, Paul Song.

another super juicy fight - Kevin Dunnsmore and Tyler Bialecki.

This is a picture of one of my celebrity guests - Chris Cyborg - the world woman's champion.

Another fight - the ref in the background is the infamous and controversial Cecil Peoples. When my son Jeff found out one of my refs was Cecil Peoples, he wanted to get his autograph more so than the other celebs that attended my show. He is a super famous UFC ref.

This guy given me the stink eye is Dean Lister, another legend in the MMA UFC world.

Here is the venue with two big screens to catch the action blow by blow.

Lastly, yesterday we acquired a new partner in our venture, a UFC fighter, Texas Crazy Horse Heath Herring (above and below) who wants to work with us and use his celebrity

{never heard of him actually but everyone I tell just swoons with amazement}

He is a very sweet young man actually and he can get us in front of major sponsors like TAPOUT and other MMA sponsors.

Ask me how I got into this position? I am wedged between two worlds as an ultra conservative church lady working in this rough industry. I'm doing it my way.

For example, my fighters all know they can't utter any F Bombs and they have to be polite to each other except in front of the camera or in the ring, where they can let their animal instincts rip like no other.

How will it turn out? Watch for the my show in a city near you and send me all your good thoughts and wishes, and stick with me, I will need you now more than ever - its gonna be a bumpy ride fo sho.

{whew - it felt good to get that off my chest}

Love Names

Okay now, my family will cringe and I won't give away the worst of our family secrets but I am pretty sure that all you peeps out there have secret love names that you gave each other in the privacy of your own family.

So in honor of the upcoming valentines holiday (which is by the way Scotty Boy's {love name} birthday and Mamacita and Scottsy the Nazi's {love names}anniversary I will brave your collective scorn and tell you the secret love names in my own family.

Scott - (see above)
Rebecca - Celebrator (say it with disdain for authenticity)

Matt - Mutzle or Mitzle or Mateo just plain Mutt
Jeff - Jeffrijoles or Foof
Aubry - Poopsie, Aubrylocks or Aubs-Zena (after Zena the Warrior Princess)
Trevor - Treppy (its hard to mangle that name too much)
Brett - Bert

Grand children (we start with love names right out of the birth canal in our fam)

Jared - Jeb or Jebed or Monkey boy
Sean - Seany bo bonny or bobaaahny (you have to sing bobaahny)

note: we tried to put the frijoles ending on all the kids but it didn't quite sing like Jeffrijoles

There are more but I am withholding the more heinous and humiliating love names out of consideration for a certain baby girl who inherited a virtual plethora of "love" names from all the brothers.

What are you your love names? You know you have them, dont even pretend you don't....

Dr Phil's Personality Test - Yeah! Im 47. What are you?

In honor of my fat people fetish I start my post with this particular photo of Dr. Phil.

But lets not get sidetracked here.

I found this test in my e-mail. Maybe you have taken it before but I LOVED it. Why you ask? because I'm legitimately 47. Do you know how long its been since I could claim that number as my own. IQ - no, my weight - ha ha ha (not even in kilos)

So dear readers - take the test and report what number you are and if you think it matches your true personality.

Don't be overly sensitive

The following is pretty accurate and it only takes a few minutes.

Answers are for who you are now and not who you were in the past. Have pen or pencil and paper ready.

Are you ready to face reality? Lets go (no cheating)

1. When do you feel your best...

A) in the morning
B) during the afternoon and early evening
C) late at night

2. You usually walk...

A) fairly fast, with long steps
B) fairly fast, with little steps
C) less fast head up, looking the world in the face
D) less fast, head down
E) very slowly

3. When talking to people you...

A) stand with your arms folded
B) have your hands clasped
C) have one or both your hands on your hips
D) touch or push the person to whom you are talking
E) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with..

A) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
B) your legs crossed
C) your legs stretched out or straight
D) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with...

A) big appreciated laugh
B) a laugh, but not a loud one
C) a quiet chuckle
D) a sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you...

A) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
B) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
C) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted...

A) welcome the break
B) feel extremely irritated
C) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most....

A) Red or orange
B) black
C) yellow or light blue
D) green
E) dark blue or purple
F) white
G) brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are.....

A) stretched out on your back
B) stretched out face down on your stomach
C) on your side, slightly curled
D) with your head on one arm
E) with your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are...

A) falling
B) fighting or struggling
C) searching for something or somebody
D) flying or floating
E) you usually have dreamless sleep
F) your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:

1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6
2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1
3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6
4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1
5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2
6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2
7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4
8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1
9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e ) 1
10 (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

Now add up the total number of points.

OVER 60 POINTS:Others see you as someone they should "handle with care". You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality, a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once, so meone who takes cha nces and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting, someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding, someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you, realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions and who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well, know that you aren't.

TEEE HEEEE - I'm a 47 love it. What number are you????? no kidding spill your guts.

This is what 47 looks like to me:

Full Disclosure

So I sat in a room with about 5 other Queens (stake R.S. Presidents from around the region) and the speaker was a psychologist that said we all had OCD - but it was channeled in a good way - which is why we find ourselves in this position. I started thinking of how true it was. So here's the juice on my OCD Obsessions.

{You have to disclose too- c'mon I wont laugh in front of you}

Number 1 - If you know me it all, its my preoccupation with EYELASHES. Ask me how I get FREAK of NATURE lashes -- Eyelashes that people stop me on the street about. Eyelashes to die for - Go ahead and ask. Its because I am so nutty that I do "Latisse" I could go on a "Latisse" mission - I tell everyone about it. Am I ashamed? Heck NO!!! I could generate wind power and conserve energy from batting my eyelashes.

If I were a super hero I would have eyelash powers. Blah Blah Blah


Number 2 - I have no discipline when I eat Chocolate. Hmm, I want some now! Rats, that's really bad - be back in a minute -- okay 10 minutes.


Number 3 - I watch Fat Shows on A&E like the "Manuel from Monterrey - the 1100 pound man" and "Obese Teenagers" and I always watch them even when I have already seen them 5 times before.

{I always watch that show Hoarders because they - the hoarders - are always fat}

One time Aubry and I stalked a super fat lady at Albertsons just to get a picture of her amazingly humongous butt on our cell phones. I mean you coulda served dinner on that shelf and she wouldn't ever know it.

And we weren't even subtle about it. Do you remember that Aubs?



Number 4 - And its not as interesting as my fascination with fat people - the church, work, personal life balance which is always out of kilter.

I have a lot more and maybe I will tell you, but it depends on how truthful you are with me.

It goes both ways all you out there in cyberland.

The Truth About Older Women - girlfriends of all ages, take note.....

In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40

{and sorry right now for the racy last line, its funny but some may take offense - so in advance I GROVEL for your forgiveness - kinda sorta}

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Things you dont think about

when they cut a 3-4 inch ball of flesh out of your body, what do you wear afterwards? Even bigger question, when those sweet granny breast cancer mentors sit you down in a flowery room and give you soothing reassurances about the procedures and recommend certain underclothing, where the heck do you find such a thing?

I have been to every store, sporting goods place and in malls on the prowl for the type of bra that you have to wear day and night post op.

Sheesh they don't make it easy

Just a factoid to bear in mind - go to your BFF - the internet - the font of all worldly knowledge.

and bleh - I promise not to bore you playing the breast cancer card. I am sending air hugs and loving mind rays to you all

scariness

This is my Breast Caner Odyssey - a journey I never even contemplated traveling.

It started with the pestiness of letters stating they found an "irregularity" in the mammogram. With each ensuing visit, the spectre of breast cancer is down played. Each visit and even to the last - the biopsy I am reassured that 90% of the time its nothing and all these visits are simply precautionary.

I so bought it and found all this testing quite the nuisance and an imposition on my precious time. I checked a box that said I wanted a phone call with the biopsy results. Jeez - like I wanted to go to yet another useless Dr. appt.

So when I did get the call I was stunned to hear the diagnosis - positive for malignancy. I burst out in tears.

How unlike me! This is what I looked like at work:



So now I have a surgery date. Its Feb 18th. In the meantime, the sun still shines, the birds sing and life goes on around me.

What will it be like to a breast caner survivor? Will you be walking for me? What will they find when they cut me open and do even more biopsies? I will report in to you my friends on this and my other secret life.

For now, while I have a shred of good health -- I love you all -- Stay tuned willya?