More good news

just got my test results back early from Kaiser - No Cervical Cancer!!!! Oh, did I forget to tell you, the Docs were worried about that?

Now that I'm not such a tragic figure, I can move on to more lighthearted topics. YAY!!!

celebrating

Here is how dull I am. I ate a single boiled egg to celebrate my cancer free diagnosis.

hmmmm, something wrong here.

clean and sweet

just saw my radiologist and I was pronounced breast cancer free! Wahoo

Shop-ology

There is a real science to the shop and I am in the middle of that right now. First of all, I operate under the premise that I will not buy anything unless it fulfills two pre-requisites:

First - it has to be the most amazing and unique, the most fanciful or elegant of it's species

Second - Having said this, my shopping joy is greatly affected by the price. Not only does it have to be a real "FIND" but I have to get it at a bargain.

It's the bi-fecta of shopping and I don't mind telling you I go to ridiculous lengthts to achieve it. For Scotty its painful so he simply is resigned to hand it over to my able and diligent shopping stewardship.

I am in my heyday right now. I have a list. At a minimum, a new set of silverware and new towels.

Step 1 - shop at Target ....Check (found nothing)
Step 2 - shop at Ross, Marshall's, TJ Max and Tuesday Morning ....Check (found nothing)

now that i have eliminated the obvious sources (I refuse to go to WalMart or Sears okay?) I move upward

Step 3 - Shop at Norstrom' Rack - Eureka - found some but not all
Step 4 - Bed Bath and Beyond...Check (nuttin honey)
Step 5 - Kohls (YUCK - ditto)

Now that I have exhausted all my other options I have to move onto the mainstream stores and painfully choke on the cost of paying full "Retail"

MAYBE you can see why Scotty hates to shop with me..... Here is how he shops:

Me: Do you like this?

Scott: YES (he says before I say the last word of my sentence) now get it and lets get outta here.

SIGH - now you know why I need more girl babies around me - to share the shopping joy.

cultivation

You probably know dear reader that I am a grant writer. In the world of money is a concept known as "cultivation". Its universal really, its about gaining the ultimate faith, trust and friendship of the donor so that when you make a request for funding, they don't feel a thing.

(Luke learned his Jedi-mind tricks from the cultivators of the world -- you will give me money. You will be happy to give me money -- you will give me a lot of money -- you wave your hand hypnotically in front of their helpless and glazed eyeballs)

I almost nauseate myself with my cultivation techniques.

Numero Uno Rule: don't EVER let the cultivatee know they are being cultivated. They need to believe with all their little weird hearts you only want them for a bff. (And unlike every other dirty rat in the world who only likes them for their money, you are the one and only sincere human on the planet)

So I am shamelessly cultivating the head program officer of a federal agency because upon his say so, he can grant up to $5 million dollars to a client of mine.

I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN!!!

This week has been a cultivation break through between us bff's (let me explain the dude is over 75 years old and lives in L.A. - seen the guy twice in my life at grant meetings)

He just sent a text saying:

"Are you a good cook? Do you know how to cook a 3 pound tenderloin steak?"

AHA!@#$%&*+?!!!!???#!

Now we are getting to personal conversation and away from professional lingo and jargon.

Like a spider to a fly I am moving in - He will never know what hit him and I will get him to grant me the money.

BAM!

But dear reader, when it comes to you, I like you sincerely...

san diego county fair

Am I getting old and cranky or is the San Diego County Fair the same old same old year after year? I mean aside from the weird food like chocolate dipped bacon, whats new? The same booths in the same location, the same exact products and the same plethora of smelly weirdos.

Even the food tastes flat and dusty.

Where is the joy I once felt by going to the fair?

smile for the camera

Its so funny that my grand kids (we call them the babies) can't smile for the camera except in
the most extreme Batman/Joker Smile.

The boys crack me up when they pose for pics

poor dumb bird

its something no one knows about because its so insignificant BUT hang with me, it will make sense in a minute.

When we were kids my parents bought us a Parrot (smuggled it out of Mexico)

We set it on a perch and fed it every day.. Every day it sat there and wouldn't eat or drink even tho the food was right in front of it's beak.

(Maybe it craved salsa and chips)

At first we were alarmed but after a few days we just thought -- poor dumb bird!

The inevitable happened. The bird croaked. Now when things happen to people that they bring on themselves I think to myself - "Poor Dumb Bird"

In Jan of 2009 I was hired to work for a retired NFL Player. We drew up a contract. He was to pay my customary rate of $100/hr. The guy called me every hour, he sent me 20 e-mails a day. He thought he owned me. After 4 months I presented him with a well deserved itemized invoice for $12,000 I thought he was gonna croak.

It's been over a year and he still owes me. Not that I haven't been asking nicely, then sternly. A few weeks ago I sent him a demand letter drafted by an attorney and I followed up with one last offer for him to pay me before we file in court (on Monday)

Here is his response (a college graduate by the way)

This is your last time pleace don't contact me anymire or I will fyle a law souit on you and your grate partner Chad. Lets see who can do the most draagging miss grant writer. Miss I promise to get you money. One thing im not, is sceered so both of you dumb ASSES fyle the soot and stop telking.

POOR DUMB BIRD

I know I am talking to myself - sorry for the long absence.

today I am celebrating the fact that I finished my radiation treatments Tuesday June 15 at 5pm. I splurged and bought these extravagant blue shoes from Anthropologie. I know blogs are supposed to be light and frivolous but I gotta tell you I been through hell these past weeks of radiation. If you only knew.....

Anyone who knows me even the slightest bit can pick out a classic pair of Rebecca shoes. Here are my shoe priorities:

1. Must have a bow
2. Must have a rounded toe (no disgusting pointy toed shoes- Bleeecchhhh)
3. Must have some type of heel (hey I'm short)

I'm so excited to click my heels - I envision a Sunday meeting where women SWOON upon the first sight of my shoes.

I almost feel perky!!!

Radiation day

Today is my first day for radiation. See this contraption??? Its called a Cyber Knife. Dontcha feel for the poor dorky medical equipment salesman trying to market that name?

Here is where I am going - my soon to be daily BFF's

and my Persian doctor who thinks I am young (compared to the old geezers he usually treats)

wish me luck

I've been to the Sundance Catalog website no less than 5 times - each time almost ordering this purse - its perfection.

(And that's saying a LOT since Aubry and I are both purse SNOBS)

hint hint - mother's day is coming up

another hint: catalog code SPR15 - gives you a 15% discount.

Sister Gladys

So today I and a few other volunteers got to serve lunch to Gladys Knight and the Saints Unified Voices Choir

Two things: First she is really a very nice lady and doesn't want anybody to fuss over her - I like that non-diva thing about her

Second - Her choir can chow down big time.

That's it, it was a nice day but the guy in charge kept checking on me to see if I was going to faint or something. I guess he thought I was frageeeelaay cuz I have cancer. I am so not!

Another day, another service opportunity

Cinco de Mayo

This is to add to my journal of continuing indignities associated with having breast cancer. The other day I went in for yet another consultation with yet another radiologist /oncologist. (At least this guy thought I was young) But when I took a look at the waiting room I could see why, all the other patients were over 80

Anyway, the "margins" issue with me continues to be iffy and I'm the last to know! My surgeon, Dr. Greenway and my oncologist and Dr Chen never told me that I still had questionable margins. My latest radiologist - a kindly Persian - Dr. Shirazi is the one who spilled the beans about my still having iffy margins and residual cancer cells that still remains.

WHATTTT????

Is this normal or what?? I have no idea. I just thought in my naive way that it would be lumpectomy, radiation and adios cancer.

sigh!

But really, the last appt was right up there in the indignity - o - meter range.

I H-A-T-E-D the Cat scan experience. Maybe I was just crabby from being freezing cold and naked from the waist up with my hands over my head (you feel so vulnerable this way) and staying absolutely still for 30 minutes. Maybe I'm just crabificated in general. prob so

What does this all have to do with Cinco de Mayo? May 5th is the first day of my daily radiation 12 noon every day. Before you chomp down on your salad or big mac think of me being radiated at that very moment.

And thanks to all my good friends for running for me with my girl baby.

hearts

I am the undisputed Wizard of Hearts. I swear the computer is frustrated cuz it can't win. I am invincible, the master of all hearts strategy.

Just so you know....in case I challenge you to a game. be prepared to lose

on a lighter note

okay, the somber tone of my previous post was kinda sad. It drove me to put on my nightly "creams"

Here is the ritual of our house. About 9 pm Scott turns the channel to EWEST and starts watching old reruns of westerns. (they are so stupid)

This triggers my "creams" behavior - I announce to Scott, I am going upstairs to do my "creams"

Scott: Snort Snort, yeah go upstairs and do your creams (translation: get outta here and let me watch the Rifleman and Gunsmoke in peace will ya?)

My creams are symbolic of so much!

1.My quest for maintaining whatever shred of youth I might still have (I know I delude myself)

2. A ritual of self pampering - I collect "the creams" to a ridiculous degree. Gratefully I gave up on La Mer but still do prescription creams and indulge in expensive f aux creams by Lancome.

(now my girl baby is snorting over Lancome - she is a Dior snob)

3. And as you know I have invested in a lifelong commitment to doing Latisse. I indulge here and am not apologetic a bit over this.

Whatever, it makes me feel good - snort away, at least I'm not watching old black and white westerns.