cultivation

You probably know dear reader that I am a grant writer. In the world of money is a concept known as "cultivation". Its universal really, its about gaining the ultimate faith, trust and friendship of the donor so that when you make a request for funding, they don't feel a thing.

(Luke learned his Jedi-mind tricks from the cultivators of the world -- you will give me money. You will be happy to give me money -- you will give me a lot of money -- you wave your hand hypnotically in front of their helpless and glazed eyeballs)

I almost nauseate myself with my cultivation techniques.

Numero Uno Rule: don't EVER let the cultivatee know they are being cultivated. They need to believe with all their little weird hearts you only want them for a bff. (And unlike every other dirty rat in the world who only likes them for their money, you are the one and only sincere human on the planet)

So I am shamelessly cultivating the head program officer of a federal agency because upon his say so, he can grant up to $5 million dollars to a client of mine.

I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN!!!

This week has been a cultivation break through between us bff's (let me explain the dude is over 75 years old and lives in L.A. - seen the guy twice in my life at grant meetings)

He just sent a text saying:

"Are you a good cook? Do you know how to cook a 3 pound tenderloin steak?"

AHA!@#$%&*+?!!!!???#!

Now we are getting to personal conversation and away from professional lingo and jargon.

Like a spider to a fly I am moving in - He will never know what hit him and I will get him to grant me the money.

BAM!

But dear reader, when it comes to you, I like you sincerely...