More good news

just got my test results back early from Kaiser - No Cervical Cancer!!!! Oh, did I forget to tell you, the Docs were worried about that?

Now that I'm not such a tragic figure, I can move on to more lighthearted topics. YAY!!!

celebrating

Here is how dull I am. I ate a single boiled egg to celebrate my cancer free diagnosis.

hmmmm, something wrong here.

clean and sweet

just saw my radiologist and I was pronounced breast cancer free! Wahoo

Shop-ology

There is a real science to the shop and I am in the middle of that right now. First of all, I operate under the premise that I will not buy anything unless it fulfills two pre-requisites:

First - it has to be the most amazing and unique, the most fanciful or elegant of it's species

Second - Having said this, my shopping joy is greatly affected by the price. Not only does it have to be a real "FIND" but I have to get it at a bargain.

It's the bi-fecta of shopping and I don't mind telling you I go to ridiculous lengthts to achieve it. For Scotty its painful so he simply is resigned to hand it over to my able and diligent shopping stewardship.

I am in my heyday right now. I have a list. At a minimum, a new set of silverware and new towels.

Step 1 - shop at Target ....Check (found nothing)
Step 2 - shop at Ross, Marshall's, TJ Max and Tuesday Morning ....Check (found nothing)

now that i have eliminated the obvious sources (I refuse to go to WalMart or Sears okay?) I move upward

Step 3 - Shop at Norstrom' Rack - Eureka - found some but not all
Step 4 - Bed Bath and Beyond...Check (nuttin honey)
Step 5 - Kohls (YUCK - ditto)

Now that I have exhausted all my other options I have to move onto the mainstream stores and painfully choke on the cost of paying full "Retail"

MAYBE you can see why Scotty hates to shop with me..... Here is how he shops:

Me: Do you like this?

Scott: YES (he says before I say the last word of my sentence) now get it and lets get outta here.

SIGH - now you know why I need more girl babies around me - to share the shopping joy.

cultivation

You probably know dear reader that I am a grant writer. In the world of money is a concept known as "cultivation". Its universal really, its about gaining the ultimate faith, trust and friendship of the donor so that when you make a request for funding, they don't feel a thing.

(Luke learned his Jedi-mind tricks from the cultivators of the world -- you will give me money. You will be happy to give me money -- you will give me a lot of money -- you wave your hand hypnotically in front of their helpless and glazed eyeballs)

I almost nauseate myself with my cultivation techniques.

Numero Uno Rule: don't EVER let the cultivatee know they are being cultivated. They need to believe with all their little weird hearts you only want them for a bff. (And unlike every other dirty rat in the world who only likes them for their money, you are the one and only sincere human on the planet)

So I am shamelessly cultivating the head program officer of a federal agency because upon his say so, he can grant up to $5 million dollars to a client of mine.

I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN!!!

This week has been a cultivation break through between us bff's (let me explain the dude is over 75 years old and lives in L.A. - seen the guy twice in my life at grant meetings)

He just sent a text saying:

"Are you a good cook? Do you know how to cook a 3 pound tenderloin steak?"

AHA!@#$%&*+?!!!!???#!

Now we are getting to personal conversation and away from professional lingo and jargon.

Like a spider to a fly I am moving in - He will never know what hit him and I will get him to grant me the money.

BAM!

But dear reader, when it comes to you, I like you sincerely...